Talking to Loved Ones

You own your story. Only you can decide if it is the right time in your journey to talk about your experience with loved ones. If you choose not to talk about it, that is okay too. There is never pressure to come forward if you do not feel ready.

Preparation

If you are feeling nervous, you might want to consider writing down what you want to say beforehand. That way, if you lose your train of thought, get emotional, or have a difficult time finishing, you can rely on your notes. It can also help to tell your loved ones what your expectations are of them, so they can prepare themselves. For example, you might want to open with, “I would like to share something that happened to me with you. It won’t be easy for me to talk about, and it might not be easy for you to hear. I only ask that you listen, and be patient with me.” After the conversation, try to find time to practice self-care.

Time & Location

If you have decided to tell the people you love what happened to you, the timing and location of the conversation can be important. For example, it can help to have the conversation when none of the parties involved are in a hurry —so avoid morning rush hours, or when you or your loved one have an immediate commitment. It can also help to have the conversation in a quiet place you find safe. Sometimes, even when we say and do all the right things, these conversations might not go well. Our loved ones might be afraid, angry, or triggered themselves, and act in ways that make you feel unsupported. To prepare for these difficult moments, you might want to consider picking a place you can leave comfortably if you need to remove yourself from the conversation. That way, if the conversation does not go the way you hoped, you can say, “thank you so much for listening. I’m going to need some time for myself now.”

“You’re not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on free with your truth. You never know who needs your light, your warmth and raging courage.” --- Alex Elle

Handling a negative reaction

Sometimes, sharing your experience with a loved one may result in responses that may leave you feeling helpless or ashamed. Whether due to cultural values or upbringing, when you speak up you may be confronted by responses like - "you must have done something that caused this", "you should not have worn such clothes", "you've brought shame to our family", "no one will marry you now", "how could you let this happen?". They may imply that you did not do enough to keep yourself safe or that the incident was your fault because you put yourself in a dangerous position. These responses may come from a space of bias, anger or sometimes just a poor expression of love and concern. If you find the conversation not going in the right direction, gently excuse yourself. Give your mental and emotional wellbeing the highest priority. Consider speaking with a professional therapist about your experience.

Adapted from The Callisto Survivor's Guide